The Number 1 Tip for Great Sex
by Cynthia Perkins M.Ed.
No, the number one tip for great sex is not some new wild and kinky
position or technique, it's just some good old fashioned simple
communication! Unfortunately many couples find it very difficult to
communicate with one another about their sexual needs or preferences and
this can lead to a lot of dissatisfaction and dysfunction in the
relationship.
Lack of communication is a frequent culprit leading to infidelity as
well. Partners sometimes turn to other relationships to meet needs that
are not getting met in their current relationship, instead of realizing
that if only they concentrate on communicating these needs to their
current partner that they too could learn to satisfy them. There would
be no need or desire for either partner to be unfaithful if each partner
would simply be honest with each other, communicating their needs,
desires and preferences. Your wife (partner) can be the lover you need
if you teach her how to satisfy you, telling her what you like and need.
Your husband (partner) can be the lover you need him to be if you do the
same. If your needs are met in your relationship, there is no need or
desire for unfaithfulness.
Communication with your lover is probably "the" most important factor
for not only a satisfying sexual relationship but for a relationship in
general. If you do not communicate with your lover you can't be
satisfied. Many people falsely believe that their lover can read their
mind or that they should instinctively know how to please them. This is
a very destructive belief for not only the sex, but also the
relationship as a whole. Each one of us is different with unique sexual
needs and desires. If you're in a new relationship it takes time to
learn what each other like. Your new lover probably has different needs
in regard to what they like and how they need to be touched than your
previous lover. If it is a long-term relationship you need to
continually explore and discover one another's bodies, needs and
desires. Needs may change over time. It's necessary to let your lover
know what you need and it's equally important to be interested in what
your partner needs.
For a relationship to be successful each partner is responsible to
communicate their needs to the other and to meeting the needs of the
other. If you have a partner who is not willing to learn and not
interested in satisfying you, then you would want to evaluate whether
this is a relationship you should be in. Getting your sexual needs met
is just as important as any other need in the relationship.
Speak openly, directly and honestly. Be specific and detailed. Tell your
partner where, when and how to touch you. Show them how much pressure,
how much speed and timing that you need. Let them know what words you
need to hear and when and how to say them. Discuss what scenarios,
techniques and positions work best for you. Share your fantasies. Let
them know when something isn't working and let them know when it is
working.
There should also be a healthy balance of give and take in each partner
and sexual requests should be within reason. No one should have to
engage in any activity that is degrading, violent or disrespectful.
If this is a new behaviour for you, it may and probably will feel
uncomfortable at first, but do it anyway! It will get easier with time.
Sharing yourself in this way will increase intimacy, enhance your sexual
satisfaction and decrease the risk of unfaithfulness. Your relationship
as a whole will be happier, more fulfilling and satisfying in every way.
Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed. is a sex coach helping couples have great sex,
be better lovers and keep the passion alive. Get your Free Sex Guide "25
Tips for Great Sex" and ignite even more passion and excitement in your
relationship.
http://www.smolderingembers.com/passion.html
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