A sexual perspective.
Both men and women were categorised according to the
size of their sexual organs and it was advised that you seek
corresponding partners for love making. Males were classed as hare,
bull or stallion and females as doe, mare or cow! There is no mention
of how we should ascertain the classification of a prospective lover
during the flirting process although today we could perhaps have
T-shirts printed. This might just however stifle the love lives of men
wearing shirts proclaiming 'mine is a little hare' or of the women
wearing 'mine is a big cow'!
There is more bad news for women; men are advised that
during summer and autumn sex is best with a woman of 16 and that
during winter and spring it is best with a woman between 17 and 30 and
that during the rainy season with a woman between 31 and 50 . This
rules out the vast majority of women getting any for the vast majority
of the time, at least as the lover of choice. Women who have strong
opinions on this obvious unfairness should either emigrate to the rain
forest or make their comments known, on a postcard to; Vatsyayana &
Padmashri, Pataliputra, Ancient India.
There is some bad news for men too; it is stated that
to enjoy sex to its limit the man should fully understand the woman's
mind! Little wonder then that men have found an alternative,
congregating in groups and drinking beer.
Once you have made it into the bedroom with a lover
who has the correct sized sexual organs and who is appropriate for the
local weather conditions there are a few more things to consider
before you make use of the spittoon.
Notwithstanding the dancing around and cooing, there
is exhaustive and odd foreplay to follow; maiming each other for
sexual arousal seems to be a pre-requisite and there are several
methods of biting, scratching and beating one another in areas such as
the genitals, breasts and arm pits!
Finally we can get to the sex, presuming the man has
been able to maintain an erection despite the biting, beating and
amount of information he has to remember to achieve satisfactory love
making for both parties. There are now a number of positions to choose
from most of which are worth a try. I would however caution against
the position known as 'the spin'. The woman sits on the mans erect
penis while facing away from him and when he's ready he spins her
round, without withdrawing, to face him. This is presumably only
advisable for 'hare men' having sex with 'cow women' !
After ejaculation is where the news gets really bad
for the men; no more rolling over and going to sleep while your lover
lies unfulfilled in the wet spot. She is about to forcefully sodomise
you with a suitable instrument in order to satisfy her own sexual
fantasies. I would personally recommend running away naked down the
street as a better alternative!
In conclusion, the Kamasutra can be a valuable
resource in the bedroom and in its defence it does continually state
that things are subject to local cultures and customs. There are many
truths and plenty of tips that you can customise to our 'modern'
culture which can be found in our
definitive guide to the
kamasutra.
If nothing else, many of its strange cultural
differences can give you a 'giggle' in your intimate moments, which
can never be a bad thing in your search for the ultimate night time
fun.
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